Remember Leave It To Beaver? Every episode, Beaver Cleaver did something to get in trouble. E.g., he hit a baseball through a neighbor's window. No matter what trouble he got into, his parents loved him. The episode ended happily.

Children learn by making mistakes. They need an adult who will fix the mistake, and then forgive them. Children need an adult who gives them unconditional love.

Adults who did not receive unconditional love as a child spend the rest of their lives seeking a partner to give them that. Such individuals include physical abuse survivors, substance abusers, or individuals with mental illnesses.

When such individuals handle life poorly they test each new relationship. E.g., your new lover steals $50,000 from you, totals your car, then has drunken sex with a stranger and passes on a sexually transmitted disease to you. You might say, "That's OK, dear, I love you no matter what you do." More likely, you end the relationship and your ex-partner looks for a new lover.

Handled better, the individual seeks a brother or sister relationship. If you do not have a sibling, ask a close friend to be your brother or sister. Explain the relationship you want. And say what will not be in the relationship—e.g., borrowing money, loaning your car, or having sex. The Greeks called this storge, or the love of brothers, sisters, or comrades who have been through difficulties together.[1]

References Edit

  1. 243 Rosenthal, Norman E. The Emotional Revolution: How The New Science Of Feelings Can Transform Your Life (Citadel, 2002, ISBN 0-8065-2295-X, p. 268.

Communication Styles · Adolescence

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Communication Styles · Relationships · Adolescence
About This Book · Q&A · Recommended Books
The Science: The Evolution of the Human Brain · How Women Select Men · How Men Select Women · How Our Ancestors Lived · Monogamy and Polygamy · Hormones · Communication Styles
Life Stages: Childhood – Seeking Unconditional Love · Adolescence – Seeking Romantic Love · Adulthood – Families And Forgiveness · Agape – Altruistic Love
Practical Advice: Where Couples Met · Flirting · How to Write a Personal Ad · Dating · Sex · Becoming a Couple · Conflict In Relationships
Personality Types: Emotional Control Systems · Zeus-Hera · Poseidon-Athena · Apollo-Artemis · Hermes-Hestia · Ares-Hephaestus-Aphrodite · Dionysus-Demeter · Hades-Persephone