Open main menu

Remember Leave It To Beaver? Every episode, Beaver Cleaver did something to get in trouble. E.g., he hit a baseball through a neighbor's window. No matter what trouble he got into, his parents loved him. The episode ended happily.

Children learn by making mistakes. They need an adult who'll fix the mistake, and then forgive them. Children need an adult who gives them unconditional love.

Adults who didn't receive unconditional love as a child spend the rest of their lives seeking a partner to give them that. Such individuals include physical abuse survivors, substance abusers, or individuals with mental illnesses.

When such individuals handle life poorly they test each new relationship. E.g., your new lover steals $50,000 from you, totals your car, then has drunken sex with a stranger and passes on a sexually transmitted disease to you. You might say, "That's OK, dear, I love you no matter what you do." More likely, you end the relationship and your ex-partner looks for a new lover.

Handled better, the individual seeks a brother or sister relationship. If you don't have a sibling, ask a close friend to be your brother or sister. Explain the relationship you want. And say what won't be in the relationship — e.g., borrowing money, loaning your car, or having sex. The Greeks called this storge, or the love of brothers, sisters, or comrades who have been through difficulties together.[1]