The Poetry of Gaius Valerius Catullus/76

Catullus Poem 76 Si qua recordanti benefacta priora voluptas est homini, cum se cogitat esse pium, nec sanctam violasse fidem, nec foedere in ullo divum ad fallendos numine abusum homines, multa parata manent in longa aetate, Catulle, ex hoc ingrato gaudia amore tibi. nam quaecumque homines bene cuiquam aut dicere possunt aut facere, haec a te dictaque factaque sunt: omnia quae ingratae perierunt credita menti. quare cur tu te iam amplius excrucies? quin tu animo offirmas atque istinc teque reducis et dis invitis desinis esse miser? difficile est longum subito deponere amorem; difficile est, verum hoc qua libet efficias. una salus haec est, hoc est tibi pervincendum; hoc facias, sive id non pote sive pote. o di, si vestrum est misereri, aut si quibus unquam extremam iam ipsa in morte tulistis opem, me miserum adspicite et, si vitam puriter egi, eripite hanc pestem perniciemque mihi! hei mihi subrepens imos ut torpor in artus expulit ex omni pectore laetitias. non iam illud quaero, contra ut me diligat illa, aut, quod non potis est, esse pudica velit: ipse valere opto et taetrum hunc deponere morbum. o di, reddite mi hoc pro pietate mea.

If there is any pleasure for a man recollecting previous good deeds when he reflects that he is dutiful and he has not violated the sacred faith and that he hasn’t abused the will of the gods in order to trick people in any agreement then the many enjoyments that you have gotten remain in long life Catullus, out of this unpleasant love for you. for whatever men are taken able to say well to anyone or able to do these things were said and were done by you all things have perished which have been entrusted to an ungrateful mind therefore why will you torture yourself further now? Why do you not stand firm in mind bring yourself back by yourself from that place, and with the gods unwilling stop being it is difficult to suddenly put down a long love it is difficult, but you should do this in whatever way is pleasing this is the one safety this must be overcome by you do this whether it is possible or not possible O gods, if it is yours to feel pity, or if you ever carried a final aid to anyone in death itself catch sight of wretched me and if I have lived life purely then snatch this plague and destruction from me, which creeping up on me as a numbness into the lowest part of my limbs expelled joys from all my heart I no longer seek that she cherish me in return or because it is impossible that she could consent to remain chaste I want myself to be well and put away this foul disease O gods return this to me in exchange for my devotion